SHOP
Anonymous 

How can I be a better dad?

TOP RESPONSE
Anonymous 
You don't need to be "better". You obviously care because you wouldn't be asking this question otherwise. It's hard at first... So hard. It's relentless and (let's be honest) it can feel a bit thankless in the early, "what the hell am I doing?", sleep deprived days. Ours are 3 and 1 now, and my other half and I can talk honestly now about how we struggled to bond with our first for quite a while. How we felt like we hadn't really appreciated what life was going to be like with a tiny human, but we didn't talk at the time... Probably too scared the other person wouldn't get it and that we'd just end up feeling more guilty. Anyway, to the point... Your baby probably needs his mom to sleep because that's who he has the strongest bond with. Can you take a bit of time off? Annual leave? Can you try to get more involved when you're home? For example, if only mom can calm your son down to sleep, can you still be part of the calming process? I'm thinking sit with them, stroke his face, talk gently or sing. Also, when you're out at work, could you leave a piece of clothing with him that smells of you? Something that helps him feel like you're around in some way when you can't be.
ALL RESPONSES
Anonymous 
Okay I better give some context. I'm struggling to bond with my 3 month old son. He cries when I pick him up and it's impossible to get him to sleep without mother's help. I'm working really long hours while she stays at home and I'm really worried that I'm struggling to bond. Should I just accept it or is there something I can do?
Anonymous 
You don't need to be "better". You obviously care because you wouldn't be asking this question otherwise. It's hard at first... So hard. It's relentless and (let's be honest) it can feel a bit thankless in the early, "what the hell am I doing?", sleep deprived days. Ours are 3 and 1 now, and my other half and I can talk honestly now about how we struggled to bond with our first for quite a while. How we felt like we hadn't really appreciated what life was going to be like with a tiny human, but we didn't talk at the time... Probably too scared the other person wouldn't get it and that we'd just end up feeling more guilty. Anyway, to the point... Your baby probably needs his mom to sleep because that's who he has the strongest bond with. Can you take a bit of time off? Annual leave? Can you try to get more involved when you're home? For example, if only mom can calm your son down to sleep, can you still be part of the calming process? I'm thinking sit with them, stroke his face, talk gently or sing. Also, when you're out at work, could you leave a piece of clothing with him that smells of you? Something that helps him feel like you're around in some way when you can't be.
Anonymous 
Thank you. That really helps. Feeling a lot more confident now and happy to know I'm not alone in feeling like this. Much appreciated.

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