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The whole of last week in five minutes...

Yesterday's news is today's obsolete web page. The news here is a bit out of date. Feel free to read anyway, but you might want to sign up to receive the next round-up straight to your inbox, just when you need to read it.

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‘People will be flabbergasted to discover the famous royal Danny is descended from.’

The Danny in question is no other than everyone’s favourite nawty Cockney, Danny Dyer, who discovered his royal lineage during an episode of Who Do You Think You Are? It remains to be seen which member of the royal family the EastEnder is descended, but we’re guessing it’s Queen Victoria.


  • The Ghostbusters reboot is finally out, and the moaning about its all-female gang of ghoul-hunters shows no sign of abating. Reviewers have given a mixed reaction to the film: The Daily Telegraph gives it four stars, saying it has ‘a hot air balloon-sized sense of fun’ and Empire praises its ‘feel good vibes’. However, Variety suggests the film ‘succumbs to the familiar curse of the digital-effects era’ and Hollywood Reporter dismisses it as an ‘unfunny mess’.
  • According to a recently discovered doctor’s diagram, Vincent van Gogh may have sliced off more of his ear than has commonly been thought. 
  • A theatre producer has described an audience at a performance of Doctor Faustus, starring Kit Harrington from Game of Thrones as the ‘worst audience ever’. Richard Jordan said a number of those in attendance at the Duke of York’s Theatre ruined the performance by talking, using their phones to film the action and, in one case, eating chicken nuggets and chips. Harrington has come out fighting on behalf of his fans. ‘I am afraid that if the theatre is going to die of anything it will be from exactly this type of stereotyping and prejudice,’ he said. 


  • Andy Murray won Wimbledon for the second time, with a straight sets victory over Milos Raonic. There was also glory for fellow Brit, Heather Watson, who won the mixed doubles with her Finnish partner, Henri Kontinen. 
  • The Open has got underway at Royal Troon, but it was golf in the Olympics that garnered most of the column inches. World number two Rory McIlroy opened up on his decision to pull out of the Rio games due to fears over the Zika virus. 'I haven’t been dreaming about the Olympics my whole life,’ he said, before adding, ‘The risk of going to Rio wasn’t worth the reward’.
  • Portugal pulled off a shock by winning Euro 2016, beating hosts France 1-0 in extra time. The world went mad for the video of a young Portugese kid consoling a distraught French man, but we particularly enjoyed Ronaldo, who was taken off with an injury during the final, giving one his teammates a dead leg.


  Going up

  1. James Norton – Sorry Poldark fans, James Norton has overtaken Aidan Turner as favourite to be the next 007.
  2. Baths – It turns out a long soak in the tub can help improve your fitness.
  3. Sheer(an) wedded bliss – Ed Sheeran’s Think Out Loud is the most popular song on Spotify for ‘first dances’.
  4. Baby Mori and Knit Planet are the two new brands have been added to the TantrumXYZ shop.

Going down

  1. Len Goodman – The Strictly judge has quit the show and foxtrotted off into the sunset.
  2. Pink – Angela Eagle’s Labour leadership campaign got underway and the colour scheme was truly shocking.
  3. Pregnancy rumour-mongers – Jennifer Aniston hit back at media speculation over whether she’s pregnant (she’s not, in case you’re wondering, she just ate a burger for lunch). 




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