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Holle Dolce has some sex tips for busy parents

You want to spice up your sex life with your partner. You have your fool-proof techniques. You still fancy each other. Maybe you want to try a little kink together. You only have one problem:

There is not enough time.

So here are some tips for time-poor parents, who due to working, parenting and generally being awesome, don’t manage to jump on top of each other any more:

1. Talk about what you both need

Come on, you’re parents, you’ve seen life at its extremes, why be shy when it comes to getting what you want? Talk. If your sex life has been sporadic, it is important that you make sure both of you are on the same wavelength sexually. Make sure that you understand each other’s sex drives and talk about things like how often you want to have sex, whether you always want sexual penetration, and how important foreplay is. Do you both enjoy oral sex? Talking about this will help determine what kind of time you need. Don’t be afraid to talk sexy during this conversation too. Let it build up some anticipation. It will give you both something to look forward to.

This is also a good time to talk about the housework and the childcare, and what each of you can do to help the other free up time.

2. Don’t Think You Have to Do Everything Every Time

Start small. Maybe devise a plan for mid-day quickies once a week or line up potential babysitters so that you have a weekend evening together once a week. If you want to try something new, you don’t need to rush into it. If BDSM is interesting to you, for example, don’t think you have to tie up your partner and smack away with the riding crop the moment the little ones are asleep. Start with a cheeky tap on the bottom during sex or holding wrists together as the initial bondage. If quickies are not your thing and time is limited, why not just indulge in heavy petting? Oral sex is intimate and can be a time-saver as well. Sensual massages or just cuddling are also good options if sex itself does not seem to be in the cards. The goal is to set aside intimate time together. As the two of you begin to master your time-management, you can work on developing the other intimate scenarios that you want.

3. Schedule Time Together

You have work. You have housework. You have homework to help with and nappies to change. The idea of scheduling sex may seem as sexy as a man in a dirty mac, but it will help the two of you refocus on your intimate life and help you pick up on spontaneous opportunities for sex later.

How often you schedule sex depends on the two of you. Be conservative with your schedule at first. Make sure that what you plan is something both of you can meet and falls within both of your sex drives. As you go along, you can schedule more frequent rendezvous or you may find spontaneous trysts come more naturally.

Don’t just schedule for the big romantic nights, at least at first. Schedule a quickie or an oral-sex adventure during a quiet afternoon. Plan a simple pamper night for a Wednesday. Maybe next Monday will be the day you go to bed at 9pm. Be flexible in how you schedule and work with both of your needs and busy lifestyles.

4. Think Outside the Box

Remember, it is not just about penetration. An intimate encounter does not have to take hours, starting with a hot bath and ending with you swinging from a chandelier. As long as both of you are engaged in the moment, open to giving and receiving pleasure, you will both enjoy it. From that enjoyment, your intimacy will grow.

Think about different ways you can be intimate together, even when time is not on your side.

  • Taking him to the airport for a business trip? Park in a secluded part of the parking deck and give him a quick hand job before taking him into the terminal.
  • Is she not in the mood for sex but you know she needs closeness? Massage her feet and shoulders. The feet especially are an erogenous zone, so really play up the sensations of touching her body. Let her enjoy the moment.
  • If the two of you are tired at night, consider a different time of day for sex. After bedtime and before dinner is often a good, unexpected moment.
  • Remember that intimate touch does not have to be sexual in nature. If the two of you cannot have sex for some reason – he just had surgery, you just gave birth, your pelvic floor is not up to strength, or one of you is unwell. A busy lifestyle is not the only thing that keeps us from having sex. When sex and sexual activity are not in the offing, hold hands, give a massage, or indulge your partner in a back rub. If you're up for it but don't fancy the whole shebang, here are some sexy sex alternatives to try.


:: This article, which forms part of the Hotbed Collective's #BackInTheSack campaign, was originally posted on the site Bondage Bunnies.