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So why will Catie Wilkins's daughter only watch 30 seconds at a time?

‘Oh God, is she into Peppa Pig?’ As if it’s a punishment that I can ignore her for an hour and cook/clean/drink.

‘Nearly!’ I want to reply to the parent-of-the-older-child-who-seems-to-pity-me at the park. ‘And I can’t WAIT! Are you kidding me? Free childcare!’

Obviously I don’t say that. I don’t want her to alert social services to my imminent intent to neglect my child. But seriously, I don’t understand why Peppa Pig and its ilk have such a bad rep.

‘If I had to hear that theme tune one more time…’ says the POTOCWSTPM.

But surely that’s just the sound of FREEDOM, I wonder.

I mean, yeah, I read that Toxic Childhood book and thought ‘no screen time till the age of two’ sounded like a great idea too. But. On the other hand. There are 84 hours of childcare in the average week.

Every day I test to see how many minutes of that I can fob off onto the electronic babysitter, and every day it only manages to hold my child’s attention for about 30 seconds.

Who are these ungrateful buffoons turning their noses up at low-maintenance childcare? 

Who are these ungrateful buffoons turning their noses up at low-maintenance childcare? Are your gold shoes too tight as well?

I have one of those kids who’s into everything. I spend play-dates chasing her round the trees and missing all the important bits of the conversations. Maybe if your toddler is happy to sit staring at the brick they’re holding for twenty minutes you’d get blasé about entertainment too, I don’t know. But I do know it’s nice to have a sit-down after all the stimulating and mind-expanding activities I sometimes attempt to cram into the rest of the day.

‘Peppa Pig is sexist,’ a dad at a children’s party tells me. ‘The Daddy Pig character is too stupid.’ I laugh. He doesn’t.

Happily, all the episodes I’ve seen actually pass the Bechdel test. My own objection is that Daddy Pig gets fat-shamed a bit too much. But I will cross that bridge when I come to it. My gold shoes are not that tight yet.


This is an amazing article, thanks for writing it!