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WHAT DO THE DADDIES ON THE BUS DO?

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Lisa Williams is lost for words

I’m a bit stuck. The Wheels on the Bus is my baby’s favourite song. I’m hardly Nina Simone, but I can put some welly into my nursery rhymes, and this particular tune can buy me a few smiles even amid a 'where-the-hell’s-my-milk' tantrum. I’ve always felt slightly uncomfortable, however, with the line, ‘The mummies on the bus go, ‘chatter, chatter, chatter,” even though it is normally accompanied by a natty little hand action. Yes, I like to chatter, and so do many mummies I know. But what do the daddies do? They like to chatter too, but that makes for quite a repetitive rhyme. In the interests of parental equality, I use the line, ‘The daddies on the bus go, ‘swipe, swipe, swipe,’ while I mime swiping through Twitter on an iPhone. It’s not perfect and it’s probably too ambiguous to catch on. I’m looking for a better lyric. What do you sing? What DO the daddies do on the bus? Ideas please…

 

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Dad's Diary
I have a confusing relationship with buses. When I took the bus in Bristol I would just sit there in abject horror at the Jeremy Kyle disturbances going on around me. I'd read my free Metro, hoping no one would sit next to me but secretly enjoying the whole spectacle.
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Michelle Flynn
We say "read the paper". Can't work out if that's shite or not but seems accurate.
Guest
The awesome ladies at my local children's centre make the daddies 'chatter,chatter,chatter'. And the mummies say 'shh,shh,shh'. Probably because both kids are asleep and even at a whisper he has the bloody tone & timbre of an out-of-tune foghorn......
AmyM
The daddies on the bus go GRUMBLE GRUMBLE GRUMBLE! (Said in a very cross way which my lb finds HILARIOUS). I feel this balances out the sexist chatter line too.