1) 'Twas the night before Father's Day and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even the VTech Walker, which has a terrifying ability to turn itself on.

2) You sleep soundly, dreaming of all the treats in store for you the next day...

3) You're woken at 5am by your teething toddler.

4) You're woken up at 6.45am with a foot in your face.

5) You sit up, hoping for breakfast in bed, and presents.

6) Your partner's still asleep (or pretending to be).

7) You hear the older one rooting around in the living room.

8) He's not wrapping your present. He's rearranging the furniture to make a den.

9) I guess breakfast won't make itself.

10) You wait for your presents.

11) You're still waiting.

12) At the playground, the other dads have new remote-controlled cars, kites, jumpers, and badges.

13) You have a home art project…

14) ...And a shirt from Blue Harbour.

15) ... And a list of jobs to do that day.

16) You plot how to take down Mother's Day...

17) ...And contemplate shutting down the wifi.

18) Until you get a home-made cake, a personalised card and group hug. All is good. Father's Day is wonderful.

19) Until you realise you've forgotten to get your own dad anything...

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THE BONNIE MOB

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